When I was younger, maybe between the age of seven and 13 I used to have very vivid dreams and night terrors. In those dreams I would experience death, multiple times sometimes in the same night. It was terrifying. However, there was a common feeling or emotion, or type of perception that developed over time. As I got older, that feeling would introduce itself as instinct when I deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. Today, as I sit and take one stressful life event after another, I get this wave of that same feeling while I contemplate what to write to my ex-wife regarding our son that will change their relationship forever. This scares me.
I like my life and do not want to die but that feeling of my impending death seems to occupy the reason. I am not doing anything wrong but the weight of the situation is telling my brain of impending death and I really don’t like it. The body is an interesting machine.